Twelve New Year's Resolutions

...for other people.
Perhaps I'm the only one, but I think Americans today, at large, are a right nasty lot.  With that in mind, here are some New Year's Resolutions for the average American.

1. I resolve to put the phone down and drive.
2. I resolve not to tailgate in traffic, especially if I've failed to uphold Resolution #1, or if the driver ahead of me is obeying the posted speed limit.
3. I resolve to say "thank you" when people:
   
   • Hold doors for me
   • Let me in in traffic (via a polite gesture such as a wave with all fingers extended)
   • Otherwise go out of their way to assist me in some way
4. I resolve not to blindly let doors swing closed on people behind me.
5. I resolve to put the phone down and speak to the checkout person.
6. I resolve to use my turn signals when changing lanes, taking exit ramps, merging from entrance ramps, making turns, and waiting for a soon-to-open parking space.
   (For those of you joining us late, these are resolutions for other people, not for me)
7. I resolve to turn off my turn signal when I am not performing any of the actions in Resolution #6.
8. I resolve to stop behind the thick white line at stop lights.  Similarly,
9. I resolve not to inch forward at a stop light unless I'm in a right-turn lane where right-on-red is permissible.
10. I resolve to occupy only one space in parking lots, no matter how highly I think of my vehicle.
11. I resolve to press "Clear" if I take my food out of the microwave before the time runs out.
    
    And finally...
12. I resolve to flush.  After I'm done.